My husband Joe and I had a biological son, Samuel, when we began thinking about adoption. Samuel was three at that time and I’d had a difficult pregnancy with him and just didn't want to go through with it again. However, we wanted Samuel to have a little brother.

We started looking into both domestic and international adoption with our only criteria being that
we wanted a boy younger than Samuel. We hadn't given much thought to special needs adoption other than our ability to deal with the child's medical issues, in which case we would then pursue this route. We didn't even have our home study started when one day I was looking at kid's pictures on a web site called RainbowKids.com and I saw a picture of a beautiful child in Eastern
Europe who was 14 months old named Teodor. I knew immediately that he was meant to be our son.

I didn't even wait for my husband to come home from work before I emailed the adoption agency. They called me within five minutes to talk about Theodore (we changed his name from Teodor to Theodore)
and invited me to a seminar they were having the next day in Cincinnati, Ohio (we live in Dayton).

Well, when Joe came home, he had the same reaction to Theodore that I did, so I went to the seminar knowing I was going to sign the contract and that Theodore was going to be our son.

Let me just say right here that we did this totally backwards. You should always have your home study and your dossier done before you sign contracts and especially before you travel to meet your child (Theodore was born in Bulgaria and we had to travel there first before we could begin our
adoption to meet our child and be okayed by the orphanage director). You should also always check
your adoption agency out thoroughly with the BBB before signing any contracts. However, we were so new at this that we didn't know this and went about everything completely backwards.

We did manage to get most of our home study completed before we made our first trip to Bulgaria to meet Theodore, which was approximately three or four weeks after seeing his
picture.

Joe, Samuel, and I flew to Sofia and the next day drove the three hours to Buzovgrad, which is the special needs orphanage. We took donations for the orphanage --- cash, diapers, clothes, toys as well as gifts for our facilitator, the orphanage director, and our interpreter. We also, of course
brought gifts for Theodore.

At that time, Theodore was 15 months old and couldn't have weighed more than 14 lbs. He could not sit up by himself. He had just started rolling over. He could not speak. Dr. Panova (the orphanage
director) told us he was a very nervous child who was very behind developmentally because of his low weight and although they had him on a high-protein diet, he still had trouble gaining weight, which was probably due to the fact that his lip was not repaired until he was 12 months old and
his palate was unrepaired. She told us he would likely cry when he saw us and that she called him her "little hero" because he had been through so much and still continued to fight. I think she was afraid we would turn him down when we saw how delayed he was. I don't think she realized that we were already in love with this child and we would not have turned our backs on him for the world.

Dr. Panova was wrong about Theodore crying when he saw us. He didn't respond to us at first, but he didn't cry either. We took this as a good sign.

After about 10-15 minutes of our talking to him, he finally began to look at us and to respond to us. He had no idea what to do with the toys we brought. We intentionally brought infant toys because we knew that wouldn't be able to play with toys geared toward a 15 month old; however, he didn't know what to do with the infant toys either. The only toy he liked was TeleTubbie rattle, but I had to show him how to spin the rattle in its belly. He did smile at us a few times and he did laugh out loud once, which was wonderful to hear.

After about two hours, Theodore began to get tired and I rocked him in my arms and sang to him. He looked in my eyes the entire time and promptly fell asleep. Dr. Panova let us take him to the
other building where his crib was to lay him down for his nap. His crib was in a large room filled end-to-end with white cribs that had no toys, no mobiles, and no special blankets in them. The room was very large and had no pictures on the walls, although it was very, very clean.

I laid Theodore down. He immediately woke up and began screaming. My first impulse was to
pick him back up again, but Dr. Panova said we must leave him, as he wouldn't understand if we picked him back up just to leave again. While I understood that, it broke my heart and still does break my heart whenever I think about it. It was a year before we saw Theodore again.

We were in Bulgaria for another day and then went home. I would suggest that if you adopt from Bulgaria you do your sightseeing and your souvenir buying on your first trip. It is much too difficult to try to do that sort of stuff on the second trip. On the second trip, you have to go to the
embassy, get your child's VISA picture, and take your child to the doctor, and it is just much too difficult to get around Sofia, especially in the wintertime. In the winter, there is quite a bit of snow and ice, it is difficult to walk, and you walk everywhere, and I would imagine that it would be impossible to push a stroller. I have heard of people who have gone in the spring and summer who had been able to take their children around Sofia and see the sites and have enjoyed it immensely. I'm very sorry we were unable to do that. However, we did see the sites with Samuel
and although he was only three at the time, he does remember some of the things we saw and some of our trip. Bulgaria, although extremely poor, is a beautiful country and it is definitely a country you would want to see and appreciate if you ever have the chance to visit there.

We then made our way home and began preparing our dossier in earnest. We also finished our home study the week after we got back. Within two or three weeks after returning from Bulgaria we had all of our paperwork finished and sent it off to our adoption agency so that they could then send it to Washington to be authenticated. Now things were much easier and we needed only to get our papers apostilled, which is not only much cheaper but also much easier as they don't have to go to Washington but just to your state capital. We were told that Theodore would be home in four to six months from the time all of our papers were submitted or possibly sooner due
to his desperate need for surgery and his developmental delays. However, that was not to be the case. Shortly after our paperwork arrived in Bulgaria, the police began an investigation of several orphanages based on a rumor that Americans were adopting Bulgarian children in order to sell their
body parts. This, of course, was not true, however, it needed to be checked out. Theodore's case was one of the cases confiscated by the police in this investigation. The investigation lasted for a month or so, but for some reason the police continued to hold onto the papers. The lawyers became
involved, Dr. Panova wrote letters, and finally Theodore's papers were released and submitted to the Ministry Of Health.

If a child is under age three in Bulgaria the papers go to the Ministry of Health, if over age three to the Ministry of Education. It usually takes about 10 weeks at the Ministry of Health. We got through that in eight weeks. I was elated because I thought this meant things were being pushed through. We’d had three doctors here write letters asking that Theodore's adoption be expedited. We had our pediatrician, Dr. Staat at the international adoption center in Cincinnati, and the then head of the cleft palate clinic here in Dayton all write letters. Theodore's papers went through the Ministry of Justice, which is the second step in four weeks' time, which is the usual length of time, but then it came time for the summer shut down.

Every August the courts close down for one month while everyone goes on vacation. In 2001 they closed down from July 15 until September 1, 2001 because they were redoing the courts. We were due to have our court hearing (you do not need to be present in Bulgaria for that, although you can be) on September 2, 2001. However, the courthouse renovation was not completed, so our court date was pushed back to September 16, 2001. This time, the judge was sick, so our court date was again changed to October 2, 2001. This time the judge okayed the adoption, but the judge also has two weeks to sign the adoption decree, so Theodore was still not legally our child.

On October 26, 2001, the judge signed the adoption decree and Theodore legally became Theodore Joseph Hale (in Bulgaria you have to give the child the father's first name as the child's middle name, which you can then change later, which we did--his name is now Theodore Aaron Hale). We still held out the hope that Theodore would be home for Christmas; however, once again we were wrong about that. There is a waiting period for the passport, another waiting
period for a police check (and I'm not really sure what's being checked by the police), and a waiting period for the new birth certificate to be drawn up. Finally, in January we were told that we were to be in Bulgaria on January 20 and would go to Buzovgrad on January 21, 2002 to pick Theodore up.

During this year of waiting for Theodore, we only got one medical update in July at which time Theodore was 21 months old and weighed 16 pounds 14 ounces and was 29.5 inches tall. He was exactly the same weight and height when he came home six months later. We also got one picture of him in July and then several more in October. This was the only news we got about Theodore during this year wait. The only advice I can give to people about living through this wait is to do as much research as you possibly can about post institutional issues, early intervention, insurance issues, cleft or any other special needs your child may have, join support groups, find out about international adoption clinics in your area, talk to doctors, read books about adoption, and anything else you can possibly think of such as learning about your child's country, etc. I don't recommend that you decorate too early or start buying clothes too early. You never know when
your child will be home and what size your child will be when he/she comes home. Buying shoes is probably the biggest problem. We bought Theodore size 5 shoes, and his feet swam in them. We had to take the shoes he was wearing at the orphanage home with us.

Also, during the time you are waiting for your child to come home, hit the sales racks for clothes for donations to the orphanage. Most orphanages do not like gently used clothes, they like new clothes, but if you hit the clearance racks you can get some really good bargains. Don't buy summer clothes if you are going to Eastern Europe. Even though it gets warm there, they don't put the kids in summer clothes.

As far as gifts to the caretakers and other people involved with your adoption, we took simple things like picture frames, candy, T-shirts from where you live, maps, baseball hats, etc. Our adoption agency gave us a list of personal preferences for the people we would be involved
in. Cash for the orphanage is also always good. Your agency should tell you whether or not the orphanage director can be trusted to use the cash for the orphanage instead of for him or herself. You can also take the cash and then buy diapers and food while in the country.

This time around, Joe and I decided that Samuel would be better off staying at home. My dad went with me to Bulgaria and Joe and Samuel stayed home. It was quite a trip. Our luggage was lost including all of the donations for the orphanage, all of the food I had packed for Theodore, all of Theodore's clothes excepting one outfit, which I had put in my carry-on bag (we did get our luggage the second day we were there). When we arrived in Bulgaria, much later than we were supposed to and without our luggage, we went to our hotel with our facilitator and went over what papers we needed and we had everything except an affidavit from Joe saying that it was okay
for me to pick up Theodore without him. No one had told us with needed this paper. I called Joe, and although it was Sunday, he was able to get my uncle who is a judge to open up the court house and get his notary stuff and notarize this paper and then Fax it us in Bulgaria. Luckily, this was
acceptable.

That night my dad and I had a wonderful dinner in the restaurant that was in the hotel. It was the best meal we would have while in Bulgaria. The next morning, after not having slept that night, I could not eat and we made the three-hour trip to Buzovgrad in the snow and cold.

Dr. Panova was on a vacation and so another doctor was in charge. Dr. Panova, from what I was told, usually held a little ceremony for each child and his/her new parents; however, I just signed a few papers and was told to be patient with Theodore and we left. Theodore did not seem bothered by leaving with us. He was starving and always wanted to eat.

Unfortunately, since our luggage had been lost we had to stop and buy things for him to eat. We had been told that the only thing he could eat because of his open palate was baby foot consistency food, but later, after he had eaten absolutely everything I had I found out that was not true and since he had a mouthful of teeth, he was quite adept at chewing food up and pretty much
from there on out ate whatever he could get his hands on.

At that time he could only drink from a teaspoon, so that was difficult. (A week after getting home, we had taught him to drink from a sippy cup and that made life much easier on all of us.) Theodore was somewhat nervous and so we did not go out to eat again while in Bulgaria. My dad went down to the restaurant and ordered take out. The first night he was able to get us two very good sandwiches. The next night he tried to do the same, and for some reason he got one sandwich that was the same as the night before, but the other sandwich had raw bacon on it. Needless to say, we did not eat that sandwich! The next night, we ordered pizza from Pizza Hut (Bulgaria has McDonald's, Pizza Hut, and Kentucky Fried Chicken).

The plane ride home was a nightmare. Our original flight was to Vienna, but that was canceled and we were booked on a flight leaving right that second to Frankfort. They only gave us two seats instead of three with Theodore sitting on my lap, which was fine for the short flight from Bulgaria to Germany, but for the long flight from Germany to Washington that was another
story. Luckily, once we boarded that flight the steward took pity on us and moved us up to the bulkhead where we had a little more leg room and had three seats between us. Of course, it was also noisier there as that's where they came through with the food and beverage carts and Theodore was so over stimulated that he did not sleep a wink (even though I gave him Benadryl)
and screamed and cried the entire 11-hour flight except when he was eating.

We finally arrived in Washington and made it through the rude people at customs only to sit and wait for four hours for our next flight. That flight home was only an hour and Theodore, of course, slept for that flight. As we were coming down the long hallway toward the front I could hear Samuel yelling, "I see Mommy, Papa, and Theodore" and then all of a sudden he came
bursting through the security devices. Luckily, no one flipped out and arrested him!

The first few weeks home were difficult. Theodore would not nap in his crib and would only lie on the floor and turn in circles until he fell asleep. If we tried to lay him in his crib, he would scream and cry. Luckily for us he did not do this at nighttime just at nap time. However, this subsided after about two weeks.

At first, he did not like Samuel much at all, but that has gradually improved. It has taken a while but he now loves Samuel and looks up to him like all little brothers look up to their big brothers. Samuel has loved Theodore from day one, so this was a little hard for Samuel to accept, but it is now okay.

In the first few months it seems like all we did was go to doctor's appointments. We saw Dr. Staat, the international adoption doctor in Cincinnati, the first week home. She was quite concerned about Theodore's small size and ordered quite a few tests including an MRI and genetics testing, all of which came back normal. We went to the cleft palate clinic the second week after being home, and Theodore was supposed to have his palate repaired ASAP after gaining some weight; however, the surgeon retired and then we had to wait while the other surgeon took over and figured out what he was going to do, and so Theodore's palate was finally repaired in June. By that time he had gained about 8 pounds and was much healthier.

He’d had two parasites, which were cleared up with two rounds of antibiotics, and I'm sure that helped with his weight gain along with Pediasure three times a day. Theodore's palate surgery, while I of course worried to death about it, was a fairly easy for Theodore and us.

The surgeon reported it was the most difficult surgery he had ever done, a double Z-plasty, changing muscles around so that they would lay the right way, but Theodore was home the next day and outside playing in the backyard that night. He only wore the no-no's at nap and bedtime and was eating soft foods, which was no different than what he was eating before the surgery.
He calmed down immensely after the surgery as well. It was like he realized he was here to stay or something. He must have known then that if we would stay with him during the surgery, we would stay with him forever.

We enrolled Theodore in Early Intervention almost immediately upon coming home, and that was the best thing we could have done for him. We took him there because the only places he was going at that time was to doctor's appointments and so we wanted him to go somewhere that was fun. At first he was scared to death and did not participate at all, but after about two weeks he began joining in and really enjoying himself and by the time he left there when he turned three he was the most enthusiastic child there.

We all learned sign language while there, and now Theodore knows about 250-300 signs. He just recently starting talking in November, right after his third birthday, and can now say probably 300 or so words, although they're not totally understandable. You have to really listen to get them,
but he is speaking. He can say his ABCs, again not totally understandable, but you can tell that's what he is saying, he can count to 30, he can recognize numbers and letters, he knows all of his colors and body parts. He can sing songs and repeat nursery rhymes, and he is just an absolute
delight. He now attends a special needs preschool where he receives PT, OT, and ST, and he also receives private PT, OT, and ST at Children's Hospital in Dayton once a week.

A month or so ago I posted on Cleft-Talk asking if anyone had heard of The Smile Train and whether or not it was a legitimate organization because there had been an ad in our paper and we wanted to make a donation seeing as how they funded the repair of clefts in Third World Countries, and Theodore's lip had been repaired in Bulgaria prior to our meeting him. Anyway, everyone who wrote back said yes they were legit and someone posted their web address, so I went on-line and visited their site. They had a listing for Bulgaria and it turns out that they started funding the surgeon in Bulgaria one month before Theodore had his surgery and it was the same
surgeon who did Theodore's repair. I decided to call them up and find out if they were involved with Theodore's repair and it turns out they were.

They are now writing a story about Theodore, which should be coming out in their next publication and will be downloadable from their site as well. I think the publication goes to people who make donations. Needless to say, we made our donation to The Smile Train in the hope that other children will get the same loving treatment Theodore did. They also gave me the email address of the doctor who took care of Theodore and he and I have corresponded a few times. He has been able to provide me with some information about Theodore's life in Bulgaria that we didn't know previously, and I will always be grateful to him for that.

His first adoption day is coming up on January 21, 2003, and it is just amazing to me to look back and see how much progress this child has made in these 12 months. If you could have seen him 12 months ago when he first came home and was so tiny, you would have seen that he could not stand or walk on his own, could not speak. But he had such a spark about him and to see him now walking, jumping, running, swimming, talking, laughing, making up his own jokes, going to school and loving every minute of it, it just blows me away to think about what Theodore has accomplished in this one year.

Theodore is without a doubt the most enthusiastic child on the face of the earth. He lives life to the fullest. He is almost always happy and just loves everything and everybody. He still loves the Teletubbies and along with Jeopardy those are his two favorite TV shows. He is a favorite at his
preschool both among teachers and other kids. Even though his IEP was just written in October, it needs to be re-written now because he has already accomplished everything we put on it. He is an amazing child and we are very, very blessed.

Thank you for allowing us to share Theodore's story.

Jennifer, Joe, Samuel, and Theodore Hale