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Cathy's Story
I read every one of your stories/introductions...I laughed and cried and I deeply thank you for your open honesty.
I am 47 and live in the San Diego, CA area. I have a unilateral cleft palate/lip. When I was born my Mother cried. My parents follow the Christian Science religion. Even though this religion does not believe in doctors, I am very grateful that my parents got me the medical/dental attention and surgeries I needed although I always felt guilty for causing them to go against their religious beliefs. One lady in the church told me to pray that the scars would go away and I would just wake up one morning and they would be gone. That didn't happen, I felt guilty about that too.
My parents were very loving and supportive, however the defect was never discussed unless I brought it up. My Father tried to help me with my speech (in addition to speech therapy). He would stop me in mid sentence if I didn't pronounce a word correctly. This usually occurred at the dinner table in front of the entire family. I knew he loved me and was trying to help but it caused me to withdraw even more.
I was very sheltered and going to school was traumatic...much teasing, such as being cornered in the girls room and asked to speak so everyone could hear how "funny" I talk. And being called a "flat nose bus"...and on and on. I thank God for the few friends I did have. I treasured the times when I felt accepted and could do fun activities like everyone else.
I graduated from High School in 1969 and embraced the hippie lifestyle. What drew me to it was that everyone accepted ANYONE. But drugs went hand in hand with that lifestyle and a few years later, I cleaned up my act which included a painful divorce. From there, I immersed myself in an accounting career. Though I am not a CPA, I have done pretty well and that has given me some confidence...but I still don't like those board room meetings for fear I will be asked to speak!
The last surgery I had was 6 years ago. All in one surgery, and in the Dr's office, I had the following procedures done: Pharingial Flap (didn't work), Cranial Bone Graph for my nose (it slipped and caused a bump in the ridge of my nose which undid the good done in a previous surgery by another Dr. AND made breathing through my left nostril worse, not better), Cheek Implants (caused permanent numbness), Broke and Slid my Lower Jaw (lots of permanent numbness from this). So I went to another Dr., he recommended many other procedures, but when I pinned him down I finally got the answer I didn't want to hear...that it didn't matter how many surgeries I had, I would never have 100% correction. So I decided the work I've had done is sufficient. This is me....I keep current with my makeup, hair style and clothing, and keep a smile on my face - and that is enough.
I got the greatest peace about this defect when I became a born again Christian 4 years ago. I now know that God has a purpose for me just as I am. It's not only what I have learned about compassion and understanding, it's what others learn from me.
It's not a perfect world, but knowing God loves and needs me and that I will be like Him when I get to heaven makes me happy and able to endure any struggles life may bring my way.
Keep smiling and keep the faith :-)
God bless,
Cathy E-mail: CNe555@aol.com