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Connie's Introduction
I have spent 49 years pretty much ignoring my deformity -- a unilateral cleft lip and palate -- actually, terms I've just learned at the Widesmiles website. By ignoring I don't mean I wasn't aware of it, or that, occasionally, someone didn't remind me that it existed; I just mean I only lived my life as everyone does -- as me.
As the stories I've read this evening have also stated, the teen years had its tough moments; but, overall, with good friends and a supportive family, life was fine. Although I wasn't prom queen, I had some dates. I had resigned myself to never being married, so I applied myself at school "knowing I would always have to take care of myself. I married at 18, which wasn't unusual in the "old days"; I still take care of myself -- with my loving husband's support.. Although my husband's parents could not understand "what their handsome son saw in me -- she must be pregnant (I wasn't); Glenn and I have now been married 30 years, and have a boy and a girl -- neither have any deformities.
Our first grandchild, a girl, is 4 yrs old with no deformities. Our second grandchild is due in March, 1998. The children will have different fathers; I read on this website that if the cleft deformity occurs because of recessive genes, then both parents must have one. I'll keep my fingers crossed that all goes well, but my daughter and her husband have volunteered to me "that they know they could have a child with a cleft lip and/or palate, and that would be alright." I was actually upset to hear them recognize the possibility out loud, as I had not wanted to verbalize my own concerns to anyone. Although my head knows it is not reasonable to blame myself, my heart is afraid of what "I might do to my grandchildren".
I'm afraid the tone of my introduction has been rather dreary, which gives you a false sense of what living with my deformity is like. Actually, I am in love with my husband, family, and the world! I have a fulfilling career, that affords me some influence in my professional work. I'm told I have a great sense of humor -- a wonderful gift from my parents. Life is good!
My palate is covered by a titanium plate, which also furnishes 3 teeth in my gum area. All my surgeries were on my lip and nose. It makes me wonder if I should pursue further surgery, although I feel my time is past for such concern. I'd love to read the stories of others in middle-age who may have had surgery in the last few years.
Lastly, hey, have you noticed in our stories, that we all seem to have something else in common -- we're very smart! Lots of education, and application of our abilities. Maybe it helped not wasting our energies on "when I grow up I want to be a movie star; although there is Stacey Keach!
Thanks for this website. I already feel more comfortable talking to others with similar life experiences. This is the first time in 49 years I've been able to do so.